Does BMW mean "Boring Motor Works"

This Drive Time finds me making a video double up of 2 different cars. Both of these vehicles are from one of the finest automakers on the planet. Both are extremely well appointed. Both are from BMW, The Ultimate Driving Machine. Well, maybe if you are driving to church on Sunday. Sure, these cars are wonderfully engineered, driver oriented machines that handle well and, in case of the 750i, are really nice cars. All that aside, I just didn't get that fire in my soul like when I drive certain cars.

The 750i is a really nice car. Super nice. Like, so sweet that it could give you a cavity. It has heated and cooled massaging seats, doors with closure assist, and more wood than my dining table. That doesn't mean it's an enthusiast car. I believe, that even though the 750i is a great handling full size sedan, it's no ballerina. Unless by ballerina you mean fat breakdancer. 

Does it feel nimble, No. Does it handle well, yes. Does it feel as planted and flat handling as an S55 AMG. Not a chance. In all fairness, there is no M7, but then again, that's not my fault. It's BMW's and maybe they should join the full size luxury performance sedan class like our friends at Mercedes and Jaguar. It's a sweetheart in the economy department though. It really does get decent mileage for such a large car. It moves out of its way decent enough but again, it's not in the realm of an AMG or Jag R, which is disappointing given the abilities of the M Division. 

The 530xiT on the other hand, was lamer than a paraplegic without a wheelchair. Sure it's a wagon. Sure, it has all wheel drive. Did it have a ton of options, yup. Was it as inspiring as Oprah. Only if by inspiring, you mean slit your wrists. What a boring car. I literally have driven Tauruses with more excitement. No joke. It's a very nicely built car with good chassis communication and a good engine but let's face it. A Mazda 6 or Accord have a good engine and good chassis. The experience is what was lacking in this car. I literally got so bored that I decided to fill half my video with a talk about the horsepower benefits of Motley Crue. Sorry BMW, but if you don't give me an M7, I will hate you forever.